Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize