chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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