just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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