Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
