Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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