Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
