You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
never play flip cup with pint glasses
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
