we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
