Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
