i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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