I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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