I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
