I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
