dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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