Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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