I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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