I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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