Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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