is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I'm like, not good at living.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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