can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I just want nice things and good sex
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