Four minutes until I can fart!
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
