I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
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