The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
