There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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