I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
