on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
This baby is an asshole
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
