I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
You're like the curious george of whores
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
