I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
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