He disabled his match.com account in front of me
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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