obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I'm having to shit out rocks
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