There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
