Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
