As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
