Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
