This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
How naked do you want me to be?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
