i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
