Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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