Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
