4 words: hood of his car
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
