We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Who died my cat blue again?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
