real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
