you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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