somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
