Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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