Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
