I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
True but thats because hes a fetus.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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