3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I have aggressive nipples.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
