3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
