I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
