The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
