I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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