omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Randomize
