$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
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