The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
