Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
