She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
