Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
