You don't have asthma, your pregnant
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
