i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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