You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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