No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
