he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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