lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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