the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
