It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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