idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i dont even know how to be here
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
