I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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