she was so not down for the gang bang
I will die if light touches me.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
