I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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